"Too young to hold on and too old to break free and run"

上上禮拜開始覺得很想養貓或狗, 就感覺自己怪怪的了。這模樣很陌生, 好像魂魄附體。她歷劫而歸。 昨晚夢見s, 我知道不妙。我不知道的是這很痛。因為經期也來了。這幾天反覆夢見爸爸殺我, 我跟小花說這是我戀父情結的反撲, 他說沒這麼嚴重。但我沒有睡好, 兩三個小時跳起來脖子背後都是汗, 夢會接力, 畫面像重複使用的VHS, 幾乎消磁, 分鏡卻很到位。
我想導演都得先導自己的夢開始。
前幾天找小花喝酒, 每次見到他身邊都有新朋友, 讓我很沮喪:(。上個月我辦手機了, 存到十個號碼了。有手機跑新聞的時後不會造成別人的困擾, 但對我好像沒多大幫助, 我仍然記得公共電話的位置, 也偶爾會被鈴聲嚇到, 而閃過某種不可能的可能。
現在在聽多姐做的mixtape, 這樣比較不無聊, 想到她要離開台北, 我也在恐慌, 到時候我會更無聊, 更沒人可以見, 某種意義來說, 我是愛她的。維持現狀的愛。昨天我們去philo, 我告訴他s的事情, 就這樣, 我喝了一瓶啤酒。後來去吃串燒喝了兩瓶啤酒又去BistroO試好久不見的B52, 我醉了又清醒, 但頭很暈, 回家的時候右眼窩抽痛, 但還是睡了, 然後醒, 又睡, 醒, 睡。

現在我很想念瑜珈課, 希望明天可以盡力做, 折騰自己。


Looking out the door I see the rain fall upon the funeral mourners
Parading in a wake of sad relations as their shoes fill up with water
Maybe I'm too young to keep good love from going wrong
But tonight you're on my mind so you never know

I'm broken down and hungry for your love with no way to feed it
Where are you tonight, you know how much I need it
Too young to hold on and too old to break free and run

Sometimes a man, he gets carried away, when he feels like he should be having his fun
And he's much too blind to see the damage he's done
Cause sometimes a man must awake to find that really he has no one

So I'll wait for you and I'll burn
Will I ever see your sweet return
Oh will I ever learn

Oh lover, you should've come over
'Cause it's not too late

Lonely is the room, the bed is made, the open window lets the rain in
Burning in the corner is the only one who dreams he had you with him
My body turns and yearns for a sleep that will never come

Sometimes a man, he gets carried away, when he feels like he should be having his fun
And he's much too blind to see the damage he's done
Cause sometimes a man must awake to find that really he has no one

So I'll wait for you and I'll burn
Will I ever see your sweet return
Oh will I ever learn

Oh lover, you should've come over
'Cause it's not too late
'Cause it's not too late


Jeff Buckley唱得好溫柔, 好想抱著他哭。