對錶
二零壹零年十二月六日下午一點十九分

精神對話活躍。

Roses Are Not Red/Simone White

roses are not red 玫瑰花不是紅的
a still life never growing 故存的生命未曾增長
the sun is not a source of light 光不是來自太陽
and the wind will not be blowing 風不會吹拂
birds will die 鳥會死於
up in the sky 死於天空
the sky that is not blue 死於不是藍色的天空
everything is as it was 每一件事就像
i never loved you 我未曾愛過你
i never loved you 我未曾愛過你

roses are not red 玫瑰花不是紅的
the rain is not been falling 雨不是一直在下
and telephones ring unaware 沒有人去接
of why we bother calling 我們煩擾的電話
no one there 沒有人會
would ever care 永遠關心
to hear what we've been through 我們經歷了什麼事

everything is in its place 每件事物都適得其所
i never loved you 我未曾愛過你
i never loved you 我未曾愛過你

your face, so unremarkable 你的臉孔, 如此黯然
could never light this lonely town 再也不能照亮這寂寞的小鎮
your voice, all but forgotten 你的嗓音, 幾乎就要遺忘
does not echo every single sound 再也激不起任何回音
your eyes without expression 你的眼睛, 沒有一點情緒
there's nothing special in that case 在這當下沒有一點不同
so why do i spend every night 那麼, 為什麼我在每一個夜晚
dreaming of the things i'll never miss? 夢見我不曾錯過的事
no joy as spring arrives 沒有喜悅伴隨春天的到來
there's nothing sad about you leaving 沒有任何悲傷在你離去的時候
and i will live my life the same 我活得和過去同樣
maybe this time without breathing 但可能此刻沒有了呼吸
so look through these eyes 從這些眼裡看過去
that never cried 從未哭泣
and any fool could see what's true 傻子都看得出來何謂真實

roses are not red 玫瑰花不是紅的
roses are not red 玫瑰花不是紅的
roses are not red 玫瑰花不是紅的
and i never loved you 而我未曾愛過你
roses are not red 玫瑰花不是紅的
roses are not red 玫瑰花不是紅的
roses are not red 玫瑰花不是紅的
and i never loved you 我未曾愛過你

Elliott Smith/Miss MIsery 

I'll fake it through the day
With some help from Johnny Walker Red.
Send the poison rain down the drain
To put bad thoughts in my head.

Two tickets torn in half
And a lot of nothing to do.
Do you miss me, Miss Misery
Like you say you do?

A man in the park
Read the lines in my hand,
Told me I'm strong
Hardly ever wrong I said "man you mean"

You had plans for both of us
That involved a trip out of town
To a place I've seen in a magazine
That you left lying around.
I don't have you with me but
I keep a good attitude.
Do you miss me, Miss Misery
Like you say you do?

I know you'd rather see me gone
Than to see me the way that I am,
But I am in the life anyway.

Next door the TVs flashing
Blue frames on the wall.
It's a comedy of errors, you see.
It's about taking a fall.

To vanish into oblivion
Is easy to do.
And I try to be but you know me

I come back when you want me to.

Do you miss me, Miss Misery
Like you say you do?

7.


8.
絕望不形於色; 胸痛怎麼來, 絕望怎麼去。

9.
連柯恩兄弟都進來的夢, 冷冷的, 人死得沒有個性, 殺人的沒有原因。
爸爸踢我, 像被附身的踢我。我把我所有的卑微一次哭盡, 哭給另一個力有未逮的自己聽, 眼淚和血讓我呼吸困難, 滿臉的紅, 滿身的血。死也要死得像剛出生那樣。我休克了。
從床上跳起我大口吸氣, 活著呼吸就是本能, 大口吸氣然後哭, 如果哭泣就是安慰。
夢裡是血床上是汗, 蹲在馬桶上時, 哭泣變成一種不可遏止的生理發洩。

10.
我知道我不可能永遠只寫自己的故事。

6. 又要上班了嗎?

1. 十個受訪者八個都說沒有安全感─台北沒有安全感。
而安全感的通則, 就是一個狹隘的心理空間, 而四下絕對無人。

2.小時候都有一百萬個為什麼, 現在我只剩下一百零一個為什麼：為什麼我不快樂?

3.球丟給我了, 我要說什麼?十雙眼睛望著我, 或望著我的球,"我過得好糟糕。"
十雙面無表情的眼睛, 連感同身受都不用假裝。手上的球給別人後, 心裡告訴我這樣真有安全感。

4.在偷取完她過去和未來的人生後, 我就後悔了, 她連討厭我都沒辦法, 她直直的望進我, 卻沒有一種叫做眼神的目光。
總之, 我就是後悔了, 在發現她五分鐘都沒眨過眼的那一刻。
悲劇當前, 是連哭都是沒有資格的。

5.

Fire Dies Down/Seabear

The fire died down
Carried it there into the house
Unclose your eyes
Let it all glow

One day this body will break
One day these hands will shake

I'm watching the grass glow
Shining through the dead leaves
Arched back and slow
Your plow in the snow

So let it all glow
While the fire dies down

Your clothes they have grown
Since i saw you last
Summer makes us all into
A soft knife in your hands
Twisted into my skin
Wired to our cells

One day i tell you our body will break
One day i tell you our hands will shake

Summer lightening spit me out
Onto the wet grass
Climb onto its back
Your smile broken glass
Cold hands following down
No one's left warm

So let it all glow
While the fire dies down

The fire dies down
Build a home in the ground
Let light in through the holes in the ceiling
Something to believe in

Let it all glow
Your name on fire and snow

One day i tell you our body will break
One day i tell you our hands will shake

Jed's Other Poem (Beautiful Ground) /Grandaddy

Apparently before Jed had left us
He wrotes some poems
Wrote them for no-one
But I guess I'll show them
Here's one of Jed's poems

You said I'd wake up dead drunk
Alone in the park
I called you a liar
But how right you were
Air conditioned TV, lend 20 grand
Walk to the bank
With shakes from the night before
Stare at the tiki floor
High school wedding ring
Keys are under the mats
Of all the houses here
But not the motels
I try to sing it funny like Beck
But it's bringing me down
Lower than ground
Beautiful ground
Beautiful ground

Test tones and failed
Clones and odd parts made you

Paris, Texas

"Civil War Correspondent"

Words leave my heart dry
Words can't save life
Love has no place here
No joy, no tears

Darling, time's changed
Time leaves, time fades
Please see through my eyes
Save your tears for the next who dies

I shout but he don't hear
I put down on a page
Darling spare me your tears
Just send me the light of day

I shout but he don't hear
Just put down on the page
Darling spare me your tears
Dear God please send me the light of day
I can feel his
Heart wired
Heart like
Gunfire
Gunfire
Gunfire
Gunfire.

同場加播



"is that all there is?"

I remember when i was a girl
Our house caught on fire
And i'll never forget the look on my father's face
As he gathered me in his arms
And raced to the burning building out on the pavement
And i stood there shivering
And watched the whole world go up in flames
And when it was all over
I said to myself
Is that all there is to a fire?
Is that all there is?

Is that all there is?
If that's all there is, my friends, then let's keep dancing
Let's break out the booze and have a ball
If that's all there is


And when i was twelve years old
My daddy took me to the circus
The greatest show on earthe
And there were clowns
And elephants
Dancing bears,

And a beautiful lady in pink tights flew high above our heads

And as i sat there watching
I had the feeling that something was missing
I don't know what
But when it was all over
I said to myself
Is that all there is to the circus

Is that all there is?
If that's all there is, my friends, then let's keep dancing
Let's break out the booze and have a ball
If that's all there is

And then i fell in love
With the most wonderful boy in the world
We'd take long walks down by the river
Or just sit for hours gazing into each other's eyes
We were so very much in love
And then one day
He went away
And i'd thought i'd die

But i didn't

And when i didn't
I said to myself
Is that all there is to love

Is that all there is?
If that's all there is, my friends, then let's keep

I know what you must be saying to yourselvess
If that's the way she feels about it
Then why doesn't she just end it all

Oh no. not me. i'm not ready for the final disappointment

Cause i know just as well as i'm standing here talking to you
That when that final moment comes
And i'm breathing my last breath
I know what i'll be saying to myself
Is that all there is?

Is that all there is?
If that's all there is, my friends, then let's keep dancing
Let's break out the booze and have a ball

If that's all there is

shall we dance in the rain?

Goldfrapp - Horse Tears

I should die, i should die in your arms right now.

sad song for dirty lover.

青春無敵的反面是一種怯生生的義無反顧。

又是雞皮疙瘩, 這首歌對我屢試不爽, 從尾椎麻到心臟又麻回去, 或許這也算是電流一種。
唉, 老歌使人憐。尤其在一部電影聽到兩次。
可是我不懂, 明明這麼美, 這麼漂亮, 為什麼要被最後一個故事給打壞阿?可以把最好的時光還給我嗎?侯孝賢。

也不是每個邊走路邊聽音樂的人都這麼浪漫。
他們甚至不知道自己在看電影, 也不用交代過場, 自己配樂, 淡出。誰都是主角, 記憶是劇本, 一個錯身都還有轉圜的餘地; 字幕, 旁白, 我愛死旁白了, 旁白像全知:而錯誤是我有時後也把自己當成一個全知, 解釋故事多簡單,多不用負責任, 不用作繭自縛, 今天的自己不承認昨天的自己, 當成敵人也罷, 就連陌生人都做不成, 昨日不死比任何鬼魅還可怕, 如夢境如行為的強迫如今日的心不在焉, 心不在焉也是我的強項, 走路不看路, 以前只會跌倒, 現在是摔下樓梯撞電線桿闖逆向手扶梯一切非關他人的橫衝直撞也摔不死人, 到底走路不看路是教罵還是詛咒, 心不在焉是生理的吧?否則怎麼可以看得清清楚楚。

幾百首歌我就聽到這首,
幾十本書我就看見那幾句話,
幾千萬個人我就看到你。

愛使我盲目, 無以偽裝。

Your Heart Is As Black As Night/Melody Gardot

Your eyes may behold but the story i'm told is your heart is as black as night

Your lips may be sweet such that i can't compete but your heart is as black as night

I don't know why you came along at such a perfect time

But if i let you hang around i'm bound to lose my mind

Cause your hands may be strong but the feelings all wrong

Your heart is as black as night

I don't know why you came along at such a perfect time

But if i let you hang around i'm bound to lose my mind

Cause your hands may be strong but the feeling's all wrong

Your heart is as black

Your heart is as black oh your heart is as black as night